It’s now 2 AM. I’ve topped off the rental tank ($9.98 per gallon if they do it!), arrived at the Cincinnati airport (which is in Kentucky) and I’m prepared to drop off my rental and kill a couple hours reading til my 6:25AM flight home. WTF, Budget? A sign pronounces the lots hours are from 4AM to 1AM?! The lot is locked and DARK! Seriously? What kind of inbred Ken-tuck-KEE hillbilly horseshit is this? It is fucking cold out here!
I am so aggrieved that I immediately exit my Kia and before God and bluegrass balderdash express my disdain by pissing publicly for surely the first time in decades. “Y’all must don’t know whom I’m IS! This is The Kid; This is Tucker y’all tryin’ to trifle with. I can sleep ANY damn where!” After a hurried and chilly cigarette (can’t even smoke in this friggin’ rental) I re-enter, stretch the seat allll the way back and recline it, lock the doors and begin my mantra. In minutes, I’m amped down and sliding into delta… 90 minutes later I rouse, exit for another Pall Mall AND urinary expression of my distain…and then turn on the heater and Sirius to kill the final 20 minutes. They arrive on time and I gratefully surrender my mule to the stable wranglers.
I’m driven to the terminal and am vexed to discover that my flight to LA will NOT be departing at 6:25 but rather at 7:29…or somewhat later. Again, WTF? Now y’all fuckin with my Michigan-OSU matchup. Goddamnit! Kickoff is noon EST, 9AM LA time…and now I’m gonna miss at least the first quarter. Grumble, expletive shitfuck! I am in no mood for the little banty rooster posing as a TSA commandante, all puffed up and wired for a long post Thanksgiving Saturday of weary travelers. He holds his arms away from his sides, elbows akimbo as he struts and does his tired shtick…like his lats are so swole, he can’t possibly manage to bring his arms to his sides. Which is a hoot, because he is a spindly little popinjay, nary a muscle in sight. Remember Dubya prancing around in his flight jacket, paddyrolling like a longshoreman? What a poser 😉
All worked out well. My flight arrived two hours late…but my parking lot van arrived seconds after I hit the curb at LAX, I was soon rolling home. Greeted BB, who had eaten every molecule of kibbles I’d left for him. We hugged, I fed him, turned on the tube and watched OSU falter and then ultimately prevail in double overtime.
Great game! Congrats, Buckeye fans! Suck on that, Harbaugh. 😉