BLACK HOLES

Engaged by the drama of this weeks economic meltdown, I’d completely forgotten about the Large Hadron Collider, which began operations on September 10th. Experts assured those concerned that they were pretty sure their experiments would only create “very small black holes”…and that those small black holes probably wouldn’t exist for very long…

Well, hell, I’ve played God on a television show and the world didn’t come to an end. Who am I to deny to others that singular opportunity? But today I discovered (in a short article hidden away in the LA Times interior) that it had been shut down almost immediately, after overheating. That information wasn’t disclosed for over a week. It’s fixed now and I imagine they’ll be cranking it back up shortly. Gee, I hope they’re right in their assessment of the consequences of its operation…and if not, any rude surprises will probably solve a lot of troubling questions about our future well-being.

I’m gonna shine on McCains economic analysis, “Our economy’s fundamentals are in good shape” (Jesus, John, what color is the sky in your universe?) and embrace the wisdom of the economic guru, John Maynard Keynes, “In the long run, we’re all dead.”

Yup, that resonates for me. I think I’ll take Sean Hannity’s advice and visit Ruths Chris for some good ol Republican-style red meat! Nummy! It’s a place where a baked potato costs more than dinner at Denny’s but when your dollars value is becoming more and more uncertain each day, why not enjoy what it can buy while you’re still around to buy it? That BMW M6 convertible is starting to make sense to me (what else says so eloquently, “I have entirely too much money”)? For those who’ve spent a lifetime making prudent decisions, it make sense to indulge yourself in the autumn of your life (or the shank of the evening ; )

So I say, let’s buoy the spirits of both the left and right, let’s go on a spending spree! Let’s lift this economy with some serious self indulgence! If they can do it (with our money) what the hell, I want to taste some of that high life…before those little black holes (a metaphor for our Treasury commitments?) transform me and us and everything left into some new reality that doesn’t recognize plastic or bottom lines or responsibility.

My goodness, I hope we’ve correctly interpreted the projections of the Mayan calendar; that their 5TH NIGHT ends on or about November 11th. Let’s see, that’s Veterans Day…and a week after the elections…Boy, this is getting interesting. I can’t wait for Day 6.

19 Sep ‘08